


The Pain Before the Healing

by iloveyou_iknow (llostt_in_ttranslationn)



Series: i’d die trying to let you live [9]
Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Oops, henelope brotp adventures minus the adventures, kinda sad still though, some actual posie this time!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-08-12 02:31:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20128822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llostt_in_ttranslationn/pseuds/iloveyou_iknow
Summary: Josie finally understands.





	The Pain Before the Healing

**Author's Note:**

> Hi here’s the long awaited Posie reunion where they actually speak to each other for longer than .2 seconds. There will be 1 or 2 more parts before this series is finally done. Hopefully this is worth the other 8 parts of no actual Posie.

“Hope?”

Hope’s head shoots up from its position of resting on the bed next to her hand that is clasped over Penelope’s.

“Penelope,” Hope lets out a long sigh of relief. “You woke up again.”

Lizzie had rushed to get her and Josie when Penelope began to return to consciousness, but by the time they arrived back, Penelope was out again. Jed says she had her eyes open for a few minutes but wasn’t actually lucid or responsive.

Penelope cracks a tired smile. “Told you I wasn’t gonna die without my happy ending, didn’t I?”

“Actually,” Hope rolls her eyes. “I’m pretty sure you said you didn’t care if you died as long as you saved the twins.”

“Okay, you got me there,” Penelope concedes with a weak chuckle.

She observes her surroundings after a moment, noticing that Hope is the only other occupant of the room.

“Are they... okay?” Penelope asks quietly, almost afraid of the answer.

“Yeah,” Hope nods. “I had Jed take them back to their room so they could shower and get changed. You’ve been out for basically three days, Penelope.”

“Really?” Penelope’s eyebrows shoot up. “Damn.”

“Do you remember waking up for a few minutes two days ago?” Hope wonders.

Penelope shakes her head. “No?”

“You worried the shit out of us, asshole,” Hope gives her a gentle shove on the shoulder.

Penelope frowns.

“Did you know how much the spell would affect you?” Hope wonders.

“I mean, I guess, yeah?” Penelope fidgets. “Normally, it probably wouldn’t have fucked me up this much, but uh, I’ve kinda had the shit kicked outta me constantly these past couple years. And the spell I did to make the cure drained me a lot as well. I’d never been weaker in my life, honestly, but there was no time to wait. And you know I’d put my life on the line for Josie any day.”

“Yeah,” Hope sighs. “You should probably take care of yourself more.”

Penelope hums in noncommittal agreement. “Is Josie... Is she angry with me?”

Hope gives a small shrug. “Probably. But I think her relief at seeing you awake will probably outweigh that for a while. You guys will definitely have to have a talk at some point.”

Penelope nods. “Do you think things will be okay? Like, do you think she might forgive me?”

“Yeah, Pen. I think she just might,” Hope smiles softly.

Penelope lets some of the tension ease out of her body. Maybe she’ll finally get her reason to stay. But until then, maybe she could take a small nap. Just until the twins and Jed get back. Yeah, that sounds nice...

_“Do you think that you should have maybe, I don’t know, _not_ have crawled into bed with her while she’s unconscious?”_

_“She’s not unconscious, she’s asleep! And it’s been almost three whole years since I’ve gotten to be this close to her. I almost lost her for good. Let me have this one thing, Lizzie. Please.”_

_“Yeah, yeah, whatever. But if she freaks out when she wakes up to you invading her personal space, I reserve the right to say I told you so!”_

_“She won’t... I hope.”_

Penelope keeps her eyes closed as she drifts back to consciousness._ Of course _Lizzie and Josie would be bickering at her bedside.

As more of her senses come back to her, Penelope realizes that someone, _Josie_, is pressed against her, one arm wrapped snuggly around her waist.

“JoJo?” Penelope murmurs, blinking slowly.

“Hi, baby. Welcome back to the land of the living.”

Penelope feels her heart flutter as she watches Josie’s cheeks flame up once she realizes what she’s said.

“I- uh—“

“S’okay, JoJo,” Penelope gives a lazy grin. Maybe she’s still asleep and this is all a dream, but even so, she’ll enjoy it while it all lasts.

Josie remains silent, trying to gather her dignity after her slip up.

“You’re warm,” Penelope ignores Josie’s awkwardness with a quiet mumble, curling deeper against Josie’s body. She rests her head on Josie’s chest, content with hearing the steady, familiar thumping of Josie’s heart under her ear.

“I’m gonna go find Hope and Jed,” Lizzie decides after a moment, not wanting to witness any more of the cringe fest in front of her.

She shuffles out of the room quickly, not sparing a glance back at the duo on the bed.

“Penelope—“

“Shh,” Penelope pleads. “Don’t say anything. Just hold me. Please.”

Josie gives a small nod and a weak sigh. That’s all she really wanted in the first place. They’ll be able to talk later. Because they have time now. So much of it. This is enough for now.

Hope’s earlier words float through Josie’s head after a small while. _She told me that her home was in your arms_. Josie couldn’t agree more.

She knows Penelope would deny it in a heartbeat if anyone ever said anything about it, but she’s always had a soft spot for being the little spoon, and just being held in Josie’s arms in general. She acts all tough on the outside, but Josie knows how soft she actually is.

She’s damaged too, Josie knows. She recognizes (even if Penelope doesn’t), that Penelope’s subconscious reason for needing to be held close is the fact that she didn’t get that luxury much (if at all) as a child.

So Josie is content to keep Penelope tucked against her for as long as the other girl needs.

After some time, Josie is fairly certain that Penelope has dozed back to sleep, but then Penelope shifts slightly, turning her head to press a soft kiss to Josie’s collarbone. Josie’s heart jolts, pounding a little faster. She swears she can feel Penelope’s smirk against her chest as the other girl returns to her previous position, and she’s pretty sure that Penelope intended for her to have this reaction.

_That is so not fair, _Josie thinks to herself. _How can she know that she still has this effect on me after so much time?_

“You’re still so beautiful,” Penelope muses almost inaudibly. Josie thinks that maybe she didn’t mean to say it out loud at all.

“I should hate you,” Josie tells her softly.

“Yeah,” Penelope agrees. “But you must know that I never wanted to hurt you. I have only ever wanted what is best for you.”

“I know,” Josie sighs. “I wish you’d have let me decide on my own, though.”

“But I did find the cure,” Penelope reminds her. “That counts for something, right?”

Josie ponders that for a moment, eventually just choosing not to respond to the question at all. “Hope said that you got really hurt during your search. That you’re covered in scars.”

Penelope reaches for the hand of the arm that Josie has wrapped around her. She guides it slowly under her shirt, until their hands rest against the slightly raised skin of Penelope’s first major scar. The one that sparked her and Hope’s friendship.

Penelope removes her own hand, allowing Josie to control her own moments.

Josie traces her hand along the jagged edges of the long-healed gash. She lets out a small gasp as she realizes just how long the scar is. “Oh, Penny.”

Josie stills her hand against Penelope’s skin, but doesn’t make any move to take her hand out from under Penelope’s shirt.

“I can’t believe you went through so much just for me.”

Penelope hesitates before she responds, but eventually is just says what’s on her mind. “I’d do anything for you.”

Josie almost, _almost_, lets herself get spooked by Penelope’s words. But she’s not sixteen anymore. She won’t overreact right now. Not when they’re being so civil during this important conversation.

“You have to understand that I would never want you to die for me,” Josie says.

“I mean, to be fair, I didn’t,” Penelope points out.

“But you would’ve, and you can’t deny that.”

“Of course I would have,” Penelope sighs. “JoJo, I know you might not want to hear this, but—“

“I know what you’re going to say, Penelope,” Josie cuts in. “And I actually _do_ want to hear it, but don’t say it right now, please. We need to have this conversation without bringing that into the equation.”

Penelope frowns. “Okay,” she concedes quickly, trying not to get her hopes up at Josie’s words.

“You don’t get to make any more decisions for me. Ever again, okay?”

“Got it,” Penelope confirms.

“And I’ll be forever grateful the fact that you found a cure, because I obviously don’t want to die. But you could have talked to me about it. You _should_ have talked to me about it. In fact, there’s a lot of things you handled poorly back then. But we were just kids, and we can’t change the past.”

“I would, if I could,” Penelope admits. “Maybe not much, but if I knew there was a cure out there, I would have done things differently. I still would’ve risked my life to find the cure. But I wouldn’t have been so harsh and mean. And obnoxious... and selfish... and evil.”

Josie rolls her eyes even as her heart stutters, feeling Penelope’s smirk once again. “Shut up.”

“Seriously though, Josie. I did what I thought was best at the time. And as much as I regret hurting you, because that was never my intention, I don’t regret how things turned out. Because we’re both alive, Josie. And it’s going to stay that way... And if you never forgive me, well that’s something that I will learn to live with. It’s a consequence that I would take over your death any day.”

“_Penelope_,” Josie says in a desperate whisper. “I know it’s not simple, but don’t be dense. I would never just... give up like that. Not again. Not when you’re here... to stay?”

“I am,” Penelope confirms. “I’ll only leave if you tell me to.”

“I’m not going to do that. You’ve been gone long enough. Too long, actually. I’d rather you had never left, but I recognize that it isn’t right to hold that against you if you’re back for good.”

“Whatever you decide here, Josie, I’ll always be around for you,” Penelope says quietly. _Just like I was two years ago, even when you wouldn’t acknowledge it and thought that thinking you hate me was the best option._

“I know, Penelope,” Josie sighs. “I just- I wish it could be easy. I wish I didn’t still _ache_ about everything that’s happened the past three years. But it hurts. Some times are worse than others, but it’s always there. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget it all, but just know I’ll get to the forgiveness eventually.”

“Thank you,” Penelope murmurs.

“Penelope,” Josie shifts, finally pulling her hand out from under Penelope’s shirt. She sits up, carefully, bringing Penelope with her.

They finally make eye contact, wearing matching looks of vulnerability.

“Penelope,” Josie says again, using it as an extra moment to gather her thoughts. “I want to hear you say it. Just once. For now. Until I’m ready to hear it again. If you still feel it then, that is.”

“Josie, I’ll always feel it,” Penelope assures her.

“I’m not sure you can really know that,” Josie frowns.

“Josie,” Penelope inhales sharply, reaching out to caress Josie’s cheeks with both of her hands, making sure to hold eye contact as she speaks. “I will always, _always_, love you with everything inside me. And maybe you don’t believe that, but one day you will. I’m sure of it. _I love you_.“

Josie leans forward to rest their foreheads together. She closes her eyes.

“You don’t have to say it back,” Penelope says softly. “I don’t expect—“

“Shut up,” Josie mutters. “For once just _shut up_. You didn’t let me say it back last time, and I’m not going to let you take away this one, too.”

Penelope lets her eyes slip shut, not quite knowing how to respond. Not knowing if she even should respond.

“I love you, Penelope Park. And I’m going to kiss you now, if that’s okay?”

“It’s always okay if it’s coming from you,” Penelope whispers, tilting her head just a little bit closer.

That’s all Josie needs to hear. She leans in the rest of the way, letting her lips press against Penelope’s softly for a long moment before she adds pressure, reveling in the way Penelope mirrors her effort.

It’s a fairly innocent kiss. They’ve had many more heated kisses, but this one is one of the most intense that they’ve ever shared. It’s a promise, of more to come. Even if that _someday_ isn’t quite in the near future, it’s a reassurance that this isn’t the last kiss they’ll have together.

Josie understands. Finally, she does. She understands why Penelope did everything that she did.

And it’s a feeling almost as beautiful as the press of Penelope’s lips against hers.

**Author's Note:**

> If there’s anything else you want to see in this series before I wrap it up let me know here or on twitter @ _iloveyou_iknow


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